Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
