Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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