so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
