its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just invented taco cereal.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
