i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
