so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So many bounce houses so little time
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
