Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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