Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
