this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
