am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
