hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
