Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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