Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
