i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
