i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
