Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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