I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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