I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
