Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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