bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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