The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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