Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
