you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize