the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize