ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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