Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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