Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
