I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
