If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
