3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
