He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
