I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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