I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
