i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
