i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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