It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
