Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
