If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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