So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
