4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
