Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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