Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
