i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
