I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
