yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
