Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
