this must be what syphilis tastes like
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
