Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
