You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
