Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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