you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
