I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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