I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
