I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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