Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
