i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
