so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
