The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
