The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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