It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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