I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
