Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
