I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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