As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
