It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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