happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
