I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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