i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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