I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize