Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
